Strange dream

Some dreams are meant to be beautiful, making one doesn't want to have it ended. But mine was vivid, traumatizing, and ugly. Not everyday, but yesterday's.

It's weird how it began; it's true that nobody ever knows how a dream begins; or how you actually realize you're there. Something like in the Inception. Interestingly enough, I've tried experimenting on various aspects of dreams, to see if I could tell or realize the split second where my mind starts entering the dream world.
Failed.

And so it began with something like this. Filled with hatred and revenge. Fraud says that dream is the product of our unconscious mind. I believe it is; because any minor stuff we observe throughout the day will somehow appear big and major in the dream. And so the hatred feeling was one of them. Lugubriously it was quite a long dream, lasted the whole night. So it's agonizing to dwell into hatred for more than 8 hours. That's many cells to kill. I wonder if that's the reason why I woke up feeling so weak; millions of cells have died.

It started off with me quarelling with someone dear. Then I went to a flat to kill someone. Because that someone knew the conspiracy that was going on; and in my normal self I wouldn't kill out of this. It's crazy; but I did in my dream. The killing part was torturous, with the usual kind of scene one can imagine. Blood spilled out like crazy; the yelling; the stabbings; anger mixing with hatred yet feeling totally sorry for the victim. It went off so fast; and in within seconds the moment was gone. Quiet. And I became a criminal of murder.

So that feeling of guilt stayed on for the entire dream because I had to face innocent people, and blending in their lives carrying this 'crime' in me, totally objurgatory. A fake laughter to conceal the obvious guilt; a firm handshake to tighten the shaky fear; a longer stare to avoid looking away in tears; and moving away from someone dear to avoid being hurt again.

And suddenly my deceased friend spoke to me as though she's never dead. My high school friend; who died in automobile accident many years ago, appeared in my dream, and speaking to me on a phone. I've never seen her since she died in 2002, because she appeared in my dream to bid goodbye. This time; she came to console me. Bringing me out from the agonizing fear which nobody knew, but she did. Maybe that when we're both in the spiritual realm, spiritual beings are more sensitive towards inner self. She invited me over to a school play organized by her father. I said I couldn't; I did not tell her why. The truth was I tried hiding from the crime; and seeing the innocence in their eyes made me wanted to kill myself. In depression. Yes, I was very lugubrious throughout the whole dream. And so I turned the act of camouflaging with her into a disport. It hit her instantly that I was lying; I'd get caught by cops in the theater. Maybe faces of me being "WANTED" are already displayed in the public. I didn't know what took place in town; because I was hiding in my own place, hybernating in fear of being caught. Alone.

Two paragraphs long; every line took half an hour to play in the dream. To cut the whole thing short: I met up with my someone dear back in his house; embracing each other in realization that it's not my fault for the whole thing to happen. Not my fault?? But I've just killed someone. No. Not my fault.

Now that's weird.

Because in the end the victim was sent for a post-mortem. And they found out that the cause of death wasn't homicide; but it's caused by a poisonous cut from a piece of paper which she used while self defending. Makes sense? No.

Because dreams never make sense most of the time. At least to me. I never understood the message of the entire dream. Too many mixed emotions in it. It's the jumble feelings of my day turned into fantasies. I woke up; still feeling the ever fresh sheet I was sleeping on..feeling one side of my face soaked with saliva, and my hair smelling the same. Despite the foul smell, I smiled. Glad that it's over. Glad that it's just a dream.

Now then, a question popped:

How sure are we that now, at this moment, we're in reality and not dreaming? Isn't dreaming seems so realistic all the time?

Definitely...maybe..

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Book shopping is definitely in my list of To-do things today!

Maybe it's a great way to divert my mind from work, dealing with unnecessary stress...oh what the heck, I'm packing my bag and for once I love being a book nerd XOXOXOXO

Nerdy or not, somehow I believe being authentic to my own set of values is better than being clowned around seeping intoxicated betrayal fluids from some idiots at work. Books are definitely an awesome getaway.

Can't believe that using cellphone at work is banned. Not to say the least, backward minded like those who supported the rule should not be hired!

Now I should be getting ready, don't wanna miss dinner time!

Hey where's the kid??

The road was dark, yeah that's how I recalled it back when I was younger (not too young) and standing back looking behind the mall at night. Apparently I felt very happy, thrilled after a fun night with some friends and now they're all gone, leaving me behind looking at the empty street.

Someone's yelling!

I went out to see, there's a kid on the street, playing with some friends. Must be him yelling. The voice came up again. Yelling. I looked around where it came from. Still feeling happy, I didn't want to spoil it by bossing kids around, so I just left them. And some ladies walking opposite the street chatting with each other....

Wait. Where was I?

I woke up. And I caught my hubby standing at the window enjoying some scenes down our block. I joined him and seems like a lady stood in front of a black car, yelling and blocking everyone from crossing the road. Ahhhh so that's her voice! The 'kid' yelling! Hahhaha

Apparently not so much of a kid anymore, but certainly I was awaken by my beautiful dream, somehow still feeling excited underneath...I wonder if I could dream the same dream when I close my eyes..it's only in my mind...I'll never forget how it feels like *wink*

Finally kicked in!

I thought I've lost him forever. With that look and unreturned messages, I thought my whole world had doomed like the apocalypse. And just the sound of a click at the door, I knew he's back.

I waited.

And seconds later I rushed out to greet him with a peck of kiss on his face! I've had him back! We smiled and laughed. I knew the agony was over.

At least, until now.

Aside from cookin'

My kitchen looks out to the broad of rising sun to its dawn on the sea, and also it looks out where very seldom people may notice I'm there. Cutting vegetables. Cooking. In another word, I love my kitchen.

Now I may sound like I work full time at my kitchen, no. I'm just a part-time kitcheaneary busybody who happens to notice a neighbouring lady walking her dog passed my pavement and stopped for awhile...peeing! What a scene! And the dog took full pleasure to ease himself, while its owner looking very pleased that her dog has the ability to smell certain pavements to pee on. And it happens to be mine. Best thing ever happened, she did not know I was watching her, and there I stood, counting from one to fifteen, and the dog dripped his last drip and wagged his tail, going off to sniff another pavement. Now what? Poooing??

For no particular reason I would become a certain snob, but to bust outside, knowingly it stinks and without a thought I yelled out for her to clean the spot where the dog has peed! Ooohhh I've never been this mad to a neighbour, but she had crossed the border of being environmental friendly and it never dawned on her that I caught stains of urine previously but no sign of her. Now this is the time. She looked surprised! And looked longer....has she seen me? Nope. Not from her nearest glance. And then she took out a piece of tissue and slowly wiped out everything that her lovely dog has created. Not a word of sorry. And that's the meanest thing I've done so far ever since I've moved into the neighbourhood.

Now, my neighbour has sharpened her observation, and she looks up my kitchen each time she walks the dog. She discovered my hiding spot. And she knows my car.

I'm in deep shit.

Definitely a new seed

Just as I woke up this morning I realized that I needed something new, something refreshing. Something to write about.

I took a sip of coffee and had brunch, had a late night yesterday and took up the latest book I'm reading. And it all falls on me that reading alone is not enough, I need to start writing out how I feel.

By now I notice that the word 'pretentiously writing' has actually existed for those who has nothing to write but to write anyway to feel cool just to add in another blog. My friend's right, some people never have anything in particularly interesting to write. But she's right at saying that things are playing every now inside her brain, that triggers her to write. I got very upset and excited when that phrase came up, like it brings me back to my uni years where my lecturer gave us something boring for a research. Argghh hate that. And it's also exciting to know what kind of crap people can come up with.

It dawns on me that my 5th chapter is not yet done, I need something refreshing. Something actually mesmerizing to start my halfday. Another resolution..never sleep at 3am tonight.